That Mom

I was that mom. The mom who went anxiously to Open House the year Oldest Child started kindergarten. And a few years later, when YC followed in her footsteps. I was the mom who waited for the bus each afternoon to see what she learned during the day away from me. I was the mom who had homemade Rice Crispy Treats ready after school. Who was eager to sit down with homework because it was "fun". Who went to every practice of every sport the precious cherubs ever played...and cheered. And even COACHED one season. I was the mom who made sure we ate dinner at the dinner table every night because I would warp my children if we didn't. Who made sure that the meals were well-rounded and healthy because I didn't want them growing up obese. And the park. Oh, my goodness, the park. We had to be there at every opportunity. We walked, we fed the ducks, we rode bikes,we swang. We played. A lot.


And now, I'm not. I'm the mom who hates homework with a passion. I'm the mom who wants homework done as soon as possible, so we can get on with our evenings. I'm the mom who maybe gets one homecooked meal prepared a week. I'm the mom who feeds her children "whatever" for dinner. Just eat so you don't go to bed hungry. I'm the mom who worries about OC getting her learner's permit in March (this March!). She doesn't even know how to put gas in the car - much less pay for it. She doesn't know directions to our house...how will she ever get home? I'm the mom who worried if she did enough during the early years. Is she fundamentally grounded? Does she pick good friends? Does she know that noone will ever love her more that God and me? Did I lay the groundwork I was supposed to lay? Did I do what I was supposed to do during those early, formative years? Because if the years we are going through now are "formative", God help us all!

And Youngest Child, oh, my goodness. Middle School is rocking our world. We have spent the past eleven years getting ready for this. She is so ill prepared. What could I have done differently? How could I have helped more? What did I need to do and didn't? What did I do that I shouldn't have?

I think we all go through this life trying to do better than our parents did. I think I should be reimbursed, because the hospital forgot to give me the owner's manual when I brought them home. We do the best we can, and let God do the rest. We learned that with The Dude. He moved to Tennessee with his mother when he was five. The middle of Tennessee. A long way from Atlanta in Tennessee. So we did the best we could. And he turned out fine. Great, actually. A fine young man I would proudly set up with your daughters. So I need to learn to let go and let God. I'm not raising a couple of ax murderers. The Dude turned out ok. The girls will, too.