Overheard at My House Today

Keep in mind, these conversations took place throughout the course of the day. Each line break indicates a different time span.

Mom: "Oldest Child, it's time to get up"
Oldest Child: "I don't want to get up"
(well, I didn't either, but I really need to keep my job for a few more years, so I decided that it was in my best interest to do so).

M: "OC, I need you to pick up your school bags"
OC: "I don't want to, I'm watching TV and reading a book"
(yeah, well, don't think I asked if you WANTED to pick them up)

OC: "OMG, where's the pizza?? I only had TWO PIECES OF CHEESE PIZZA and everybody ate the REST and now I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE"
M: "Well, you chose to go to your room instead of eat"
OC: "WHY DID YOU EAT ALL THE PIZZA??"
Dad: "Look in the refrigerator, it's been put away"
OC: "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT??"

OC: "Can I please go to Girlfriend's house on Saturday and spend the night with her because word, word, word, word, lots of other words, and Youngest Child has spent the night at two houses in the last two weeks PLUS had 4 other playdates and you always tell me no and word, words, words, and that's why it's only fair that I get to spend the night at Girlfriend's house"
M: "Go ask you dad"
So she goes through the whole spill again.
Dad: "Yes, as long it's OK with your mom"
(OK, you caught us, we love Younger Child more than we love you so we let her do more stuff)

OC: "Mom, you didn't go to The Sporting Good store and buy me a pair of gym shorts"
M: "I haven't been to the store this week"
OC: "Yes you have because you went to The Sporting Good store and bought you that new shirt you have on because it's a new one because I haven't seen you wear that one before you and when you bought that shirt you FORGOT to buy me a pair of gym shorts"
M: "I bought this shirt in the spring on clearance and it's been in my closet since then"
(I'm sorry; WHY am I justifying my spending patterns to a 13-year old again??)

OC: (low growl)"Why do they have to make this stuff so hard??? (as she sits doing square root homework) I hate this stuff, I'm just gonna drop out of school!!"
(well, not so much. not an option)

OC: (at 7:30 pm) "Dad, you needed to pick Mr. Neighbor up at...uh oh...6:30"
M: "OC, what time did he call?"
OC: "It doesn't matter, Dad was supposed to pick him up but you already talked to him"
M: "Yes, we've already talked to him, but you didn't know that and you answered the phone and didn't deliver the message and Mr. Neighbor could have been sitting over there waiting on Dad to pick him up"
OC: "Yeah, but Dad already talked to him so it doesn't matter"
M: "Yes, we did already talk to him, but you didn't know that. If you're not going to deliver the message, don't pick up the phone."
OC: "Yeah, but it's Other Neighbor's fault because one time I didn't answer the phone because I thought it was Mr. Neighbor and I was gonna let the machine get it and it was really Other Neighbor because his mom wasn't home and he needed me to babysit and I thought maybe it was Other Neighbor calling from Mr. Neighbor's house because he needed me to babysit him and I could make some money because I'm broke and, like, I have no money and so if Other Neighbor needed me to babysit then I could make some money and I wrote the message from Mr. Neighbor on my hand so I would remember, I just forgot to tell you to call him."
(all's well that ends well???)


OC: "OMG, why do you always tell everybody everything"
(as Mom is rudely interrupted while talking to a girlfriend on the phone)
OC: "You just think you have homework; just wait till you get to 8th grade!"
Youngest Child: "Shut up!"
OC: "Make me"

And I will spare you the drama associated with bedtime at my house. Just start sending up prayers now.

EDITED TO ADD: OK, I thought I was going to spare you the drama of bedtime...wrong! Everyone is settled, in bed, all is quiet and everyone is falling asleep. It is, after all, 9:15. When all of the sudden, from Oldest Child's room, came a blood curdling scream. A scream like no other; a scream the definitely says something's wrong...a scream that wouldn't stop. DH and I both jumped up and ran, all the while asking what's wrong, what's wrong?? Wouldn't you know it - she was stung by a scorpion in her bed. OUCH! So I went into doctor mode and DH went in to Alligator Hunting mode. Alas, rest assured, dear internets, the offending scorpion has been rescued and is now safely in a jar. Getting Oldest Child to ever sleep in her room again, however, will not be as easy. Good thing we have a comfy couch!